Happy Burgday?

The SI Swimsuit Facebook page wished a happy birthday to Esti Ginzburg today.I think her birthday is actually the 6th.

Oh well. Whether SI is mistaken or Wikipedia is mistaken, it's a decent excuse to gaze upon Esti.

Calendar Girls

Happy 2012.

I recently picked up this year’s swimsuit desk calendar, like I have every year since 1990.This means I have 23 of them. That’s almost a quarter of a century.

It dawned on me that the first one I ever bought (1990, with Stephanie Seymour on the cover):…is older than a lot of the models who have appeared in the swimsuit issue.

And since these are calendars, that means you can point to the exact dates that those girls were born.

It’s kind of a flash realization of how old I am. But why not have fun with it?

There are four models I can find who were born in 1990 or later. Here are their birthdays, highlighted.

3/6/90: Elle Macpherson presides over the birth of Esti Ginzburg.
7/4/90: Rachel Hunter and Maria von Hartz welcome Alyssa Miller.
10/10/90: Maria is present for her second model: Damaris Lewis.
6/10/92: Angie Everhart peeks from the bamboo as Kate Upton arrives.
As the years go by, that number will only go up.

Blondes in Their Underthings!

Continuing my important work of picking out SI models from other site’s hot girls lists, I bring you BroBible’s hottest blonde swimsuit issue models who are also lingerie models.

Blondes#5: Esti Ginzburg
#14: Shannan Click
#18: Ana Beatriz Barros
#20: Jessica Hart
#39: Anne V
#40: Jessica Perez
#42: Petra Nemcova
#59: Tori Praver
#68: Jessica Van Der Steen
#88: Marisa Miller
#90: Kate Upton
#92: Bar Refaeli
#95: Brooklyn Decker
And, just because I sense she’s feeling left out, here’s a lovely shot of Cintia Dicker.

Happy Birthday, Esti

It's a weekend of SI swimsuit birthdays. Here's my favorite Esti Ginzburg photo from her rookie year, 2009. Look at that sculpted body.As for 2011, I'm fond of this shot.

Show Some Restraint

This is a photo upload from the swimsuit issue’s Facebook page. Apparently lack of closet space and/or hangers during the 2011 shoot resulted in an improvised method of hanging all the bikinis: they strung a room with rope.

“Rope goes a long way!” declares Darcie Baum, Assistant Editor of the swimsuit issue.

Is there a little kinky flirtation to that statement? Or am I just a pervert?

Because there is a significant category of SI pose in which the model is handling or otherwise interacting with rope…Of course, swimsuit photography repeatedly finds itself on boats and beaches, two places where rope is often handy. Sooner or later it’s going to be used as a prop. It doesn’t mean there are any B&D implications.

Except… In this photo from 2007, Anne V went beyond just posing near some rope and plunged straight into coiling it around her bikini-clad body:Also in 2007, Yesica Toscanini actually managed to get herself lassoed:And in 2003, Sarah O’Hare seemed unable to stop trussing herself up:Well, it’s still nonsense. I mean, they’re just playing with the rope. Of course it’s going to find its way around their bodies; there’s only so much you can do with a length of rope.

Well, what if we removed the rope from the equation altogether? Might there be poses that kind of look like the model is tied up, even in the absence of any actual rope?

Let’s see. Would you like her tied to a post?Maria Joao, 1978 • Stacey Williams, 1993 • May Andersen, 2003
Esti Ginzburg, 2010 • Christine Teigen, 2010
Or chained to the ceiling?Julie Henderson, 2008 • Cintia Dicker, 2009 • Bar Refaeli, 2010
Or secured to a frame?Jeisa Chiminazzo, 2008 • Jessica Gomes, 2008 • Bar Refaeli, 2009
Or spreadeagled on a couch?Rebecca Romijn, 1999
Or just standing submissive before you?Kim Alexis, 1988
Or—why not?—staked out as a sacrifice to the Kraken?Lujan Fernandez, 2001
I always thought this 2010 pic looked like Julie Henderson was some bikini-clad cattle rustler who’d been tied to the back of a horse and led into town upon her capture:Now, do I seriously believe all these are supposed to make me think of bound swimsuit models? No.

Do I believe none of them are? No.

I remember a behind-the-scenes video from 2007 (I can’t find it anymore) in which Julie Henderson and Jessica White were wandering around what looked like a Walmart. At some point, Julie picked up a fishing net and “captured” Jessica. Jessica asked, “Now that you have me, what will you do with me?” Julie said something like, “Hmmm, I’m not sure…” Then a female off-camera voice said, “It’s like a really bad porno!” And everyone laughed.

I don’t think many people would claim that the swimsuit issue is explicit. Many would call it quaint and innocent, as sexy materials go nowadays. But it is sexy, and there are certain shadowy-corner sexual triggers that can be pulled with some degree of subtlety.Food for thought.

All the Models to the Floor Right Now

Kanye West name-checks a bunch of SI models in his song “Christian Dior Denim Flow.” Here is the roster:





Yo, Kanye, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish. But I must correct a couple things.

First of all, “Gomes” does not rhyme with “homes.” It rhymes with, well, “Gomez.” AND SO HELP ME, KANYE, IF YOU DAMAGE ONE HAIR ON HER HEAD…

Second, Bar and Esti are probably not friends.